Be left

Our relationship is something that technically doesn’t exist. There is no name of it, nor any hint directly supports the idea such a relationship exists. Hence, there’s no solid evidence that one day, you will not left me behind.

Till now, you have never shattered my hope. That can still be that you simply want to keep your promises, simple promises with no romantic intention. I don’t want my hope turn to be false. As they usually did.

As you can clearly see, the fear of being left by such a nice person like you is beyond stupidity. You can say, this had evolved into some kind of anxiety. So what can be the reason behind this?

At first, I thought this is just who I am. But as time goes by, I realize, something not right. I have forgotten something. I’m not afraid of being left just because “I’m afraid”. There was a memory. A trauma? I have forgotten something that affected my life, so that can only means I forced myself to forget it. Thus, this should be as awful as a trauma.

So that memory was
I was happy. I have someone next to me, who (unintentionally) lied: “I love you because of who you are”.
And few days later, when I was still really happy
He left. More like, he left me.

He said he didn’t think through. And I looked at his eyes. Full of determination. To leave me. And I realized, there was nothing I can do. The relationship was never solid. Think could fall off at anytime, for no reason, and there is nothing you can do.

I felt hopeless. Pathetic. Naive. Depressed. Shocked. Paralyzed. Foolish.

——————

Why am I writing this down?
Because soon, I will forget. I want some part of me left. That’s why.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s